Tacky love thoughts

"Being together isn't about a honeymoon. It's about the real you and me. I want to wake up with you beside me in the mornings, I want to spend my evenings looking at you across the dinner table. I want to share every mundane detail of my day with you and hear every detail of yours. I want to laugh with you and fall asleep with you in my arms. Because you aren't just someone I loved back then. You were my best friend, my best self, and I can't imagine giving that up again... You might not understand but I gave you the best of me, and after you left nothing was ever the same.. I know you're afraid, and I'm afraid too. But if we let this go, if we pretend none of this ever happened, then I'm not sure we'll ever get another chance. We're still young. We still have time to make this right...We still have the rest of our lives."-Nicholas Sparks I don't know what has drawn me so closely to Ryan, what it is that makes him absolutely perfect in my eyes, but I do know that I am going to spend every single day, cherishing that opposed to trying to solve why.. The reasoning is because I know why, I know exactly what makes my heart glow. HIM. It is is smile, his laugh, his eyes, his thoughts, his words, his prayer, his character, his stubbornness, his manners, his dreams, his plans. Just everything that has to do with him, makes me even happier. It is the way he tilts his head when he focuses on one thing. It is the way he smiles through his eyes. It is unbelievable and scary to think of how he and I came to be, and I will not lie- I am terrified of what his family thinks.. I wouldn't know what to think if I was in his families situation. You can't help who you fall for, and honestly I fell slowly, but then, all of a sudden like falling asleep, you start falling asleep slowly, then all of a sudden you are asleep. All of a sudden, I am in love. It is a terrifying thought, love. I don't know why it scares me so much, but ironically it does.I think the worst part of this, is that, I am not scared of him hurting me, I am scared of me hurting him. I am scared of his family being upset with him, his mission president, I am scared he will end up becoming disapointed in himself. I can't let that happen. Now if I will ever let him know specifically how I feel, I don't know.. that is the beauty in not knowing what twist and turn will hit today, what possibility could occur. I will never know..I do know one thing though- I am and will be still waiting here, until the moment, I can finally place my hand in his.